Moronity

You humans and your bizarre ways. The new world order is here and now and it's called Selfishness. Already today, I've been smacked in the face with this harsh reality. On the way to work, two cars were in front of me - BOTH going 20mph, for like two blocks. It's bad enough that I had to be surrounded by little kids on bikes the whole time, but going 20, too?? It's like all of the drivers were in on it: Let's mess with that attractive guy, just because he has the nicest car. I went to Starbucks, hoping some hot coffee would ease my tension. I knew what would happen even before it happened: the girl at the counter stared right at me and asked what I wanted. "Hello - I was just in here a couple of weeks ago! I want the same thing I wanted then." Get a memory or get out of sales.

I haven't gotten many calls today, my birthday, which can only mean one thing: Sprint is screwing up again. When I think of all the people who haven't been able to reach me, I get furious. And guess what - no e-cards either! Murphy's Law. Hallmark is on the fritz, too. I sent myself one and got it, but isn't that always what happens?! It's like when your car stops making that funny noise right when you get to the shop. I called Hallmark.com, but hung up after they stuck me on hold for like 50 seconds. Then I called our tech support guy to see what's wrong with my email account and why I'm not getting many today, of all days. He said everything's working fine (of course). I told him he should be on TV, with acting skills like that.

Later today, I'm going back to the store where I bought my running shoes. I clearly have it in me to run about 6-8 miles a day, but the shoes I got are totally screwing up my pacing. I have to work a million times harder just to run in those things. I get out of breath and tired after like 3 minutes. It's called quality manufacturing, New Balance. Look into it or get out of the biz.

Man, the weekend can't come soon enough. I can barely make it each week with the bozos up here at my office. No one has a sense of humor. It's just like in school and at my other jobs. The funniest stuff on the planet gets wasted on people who think everything is "immature" or "racist" or the over-used "that's just wrong." You're just wrong, dude. Get out of my face and go buy some more of your name-brand clothes. Sucker.

I thought about going to a movie this weekend, but everything sounds boring. Van Damme films are like fine wine these days: hard to find and not for amateurs. Albertsons is the only place to find anything good to watch. Their bins have all the films that the theater owners are too naive to understand. Most tragic fact: there are significantly less ninjas than there were 60 years ago. That'll keep you up at night.

I better go - I'm getting the vibe up here. The one that tells me everyone is acting like they don't know it's my birthday...at least until the gigantic surprise party they have cooked up. I don't know when it's going to happen, so I better get some stuff done. It's cool - at least I'll be slightly surprised. ;)