Breaking A Horse: A Confession

It's Friday night and I'm alone. Not really alone...Bruce is sitting at my feet, probably silently planning his escape, or worse, first homicide. Sam is quietly sleeping in his room. Snoring, but still pretty quiet. Nicole is having a fun girls night out/slumber party with her sister, mom, and grandmother at a hotel just 10 minutes from here.

Since marriage, I've gone through a slow and painless metamorphosis. I have always been a loner. A rebel. Maybe not a rebel, but a loner for sure. I've always been fortunate enough to enjoy the pleasure of my company. Even more than other people enjoy it. I lived alone for a total of 3 years and loved every second. But things have changed. I have changed. I need Nicole here. Somehow, I've forgotten how to function on my own. She knows this, loves this, and reminds me of this. I become Regarding Henry when she isn't here at night. Being the great wife, she left fresh ham, potato casserole, and even cookies here for me. All I have to do is heat it all up properly and enjoy a nice dinner. Properly is the key word. As I sit here, eating my bowl of cereal for dinner, I'm slowly being filled with paranoia. I have Sam's monitor up full-blast; something I haven't done in forever. There are plenty of movies to watch that I've enjoyed for years. Die Hard being, of course, the pinnacle. Nicole doesn't appreciate Lt. John McClane as much as I do, so it's the perfect movie to watch, especially during the Christmas season. But instead, I'm doing this. I'm thinking about all of Sam's stuff I'll need to pack for his 2-3 hour stay with Nic's family tomorrow and stressed. What if I forget something major - like diapers or sippy cups? Will CPS find me?

I feel the need to call Nic for everything. Man, I hope I'm still potty trained tonight. Sam sleeps through the night, but I have this feeling he's going to wake up. I really hope I hear him. This is the first time I've been alone with him at night. Nicole says I have a "really weird" snore, but hopefully that won't overpower Sam's cry, amplified 1,000 times by the monitor 2 inches from my face. I kind of feel like Kevin in Home Alone, knowing that Joe Pesci and Daniel Stern are waiting outside in a van, planning their burglary. Maybe I should use mannaquins and loud music to simulate a riotous Christmas party in the house.

Isn't it weird how pathetic I've become? I wonder if Bruce is sitting down there thinking, "It's Friday night and I'm alone with HIM. This sucks. Merry Christmas, Bruce."

It's true: when you get married, you become one. Even for guys like me. The truth is, I like it. I like it a lot. I like being half of a whole. Even though I'm the less capable half.

I have to go now...I think I hear someone prowling around outside. I have to get all of our Christmas ornaments and Legos and place them strategically under all of the windows.

Just try to get me, Pesci.